Revenge Reviews

Another day, another tale of woe regarding the App Store and the high percentage of brainless customers who inhabit it and do ridiculous things. One of my least favorite behaviors is what I call “revenge reviews.” This is where a customer either doesn’t like the app after they buy it, or they buy it accidentally, and write an angry email to support. In most cases, these emails are either rude or contain false claims, or both. When they don’t get the response they’re looking for, they post an inaccurate 1-star review of the app in the Store.

The most recent revenge review was a whole lot of fun. I received the following email:

I would like a refund for the Ego app I bought as it not not have the option to add my Facebook account like it said it does in the description.

Obviously, the first thing you’ll notice is that there’s a claim that is simply untrue in the email. Oh well. My response:

In fact, the description does NOT say anything about Facebook. Sorry, Apple doesn’t allow me to give refunds.

A few days went by without a response, and then I saw the review (from the same name) appear in the App Store (typos as posted):

1 Star: EXTREMELY BAD!!!
This App is COMPLETELY USELESS! When you email the staff they are extremely rude and as unhelpful as the App is! It does nothing at all and it’s a complete waste of £1.19–I would even downlaod this if it was free!

Really let down.

Awesome! A revenge review! Person bought application, didn’t like it, emailed support saying I had lied about what the app did (which I didn’t) and then got pissed that I couldn’t give a refund. Well, I don’t know about you, but the next logical step would be to post a bullshit review!

Now, I probably should have just let this go, but it’s amazing how good these people are at getting under my skin. So when I saw the ridiculous review I replied to the original email again:

Just wanted to say that I appreciated your bogus 1-star review on the App Store. What an awesomely childish way to react to two simple facts:

1. You misread the description of my application.
2. It is NOT POSSIBLE for me to grant returns. Apple does not allow it.

You’ll note from the other hundreds of reviews of my application that I’m known for being great with customer support, and since there have been over 100 5-star reviews, I would say it’s patently ridiculous to call this application useless.

I wish you were more mature, so that your frustration over buying an app you shouldn’t have wouldn’t have forced you to act like a child and post a completely inaccurate review to the store.

People brought up a great point the last time I complained about App Store customers–they’re all children. Not metaphorically, but literally. Most of these customers are kids with iPod Touches. So of course they act like children. Further evidence was the response I received this morning:

Don’t you dare try and intimidate me with these threats you brainless little man. You are a bad seller, that’s all there is to it. And this will be announced on my fathers radio show and website.

Hey guys, I’m gonna be on the radio!