“ Call me a grumpy old codger, but I liked the old way [American newsrooms worked] better. For one thing, I used to have at least a rudimentary idea of how a newspaper got produced: On deadline, drunks with cigars wrote stories that were edited by constipated but knowledgeable people, then printed on paper by enormous machines operated by people with stupid hats and dirty faces. ”
Maniacal Rage
Here are my most recent posts:
Computers
Someone at a bar last weekend said to me, after asking for software advice, “I refuse to use a crApple.”
I asked why—ignoring the “crApple” bit—which I shouldn’t have done, because when someone says something that ridiculous it isn’t worth talking more about their computer habits. But I’m a glutton for punishment. He said, “Because it only has one mouse button.”
I laughed hard for about 15 seconds and then said something along the lines of “go fuck yourself.”
Sounds Like
- Stranger on Phone: Hello, is [sounds like "Ashley"] Smalls there?
- Me: I'm sorry, who are you trying to reach?
- Stranger on Phone: [Sounds like "Ashley"] Sims, please.
- Me: Are you saying "Ashley Sims"?
- Stranger on Phone: No, [sounds like "Ashley"] Simpson.
- Me: Still can't quite understand who you're looking for. Are you saying "Ashley Simpson"?
- Stranger on Phone: No. Sir, I'm looking for [sounds like "Ash"] Sellers.
- Me: Oh, "Ash Sellers"?
- Stranger on Phone: NO. NO. Please. Listen, I'm looking for Nash Lee Simmons. N-A-S-H.
- Me: Sorry, there's no Nash at this number.
- Stranger on Phone: Is there an Ash Simmons? A-S-H?
- Me: No, no Ash either.
- Stranger on Phone: Why did you ask so many times if I wanted Ashley then?
- Me: I was just trying to make sure I knew exactly what you needed. Have a good day!
- Stranger on Phone: Okay. I guess.
Really Missed the Point There, Lady
- Me: There's a girl on Tumblr who has started reblogging stuff from That's Not Art.
- Me: Only she removes the funny stuff. So she's just reposting the "art".
- Me: And sometimes she adds her own "deep" message after.
- Shawn Morrison: Getting it from you? That's awesome...
- Me: So, basically, SHE COMPLETELY MISSED THE POINT. Missed it by so much she nearly did a 360.
- Shawn Morrison: Maybe you should reblog her note and make fun of it.
- Me: The problem is that it's so ridiculous and so sad that I can't think of a good way to mock it without just feeling bad for her.
- Shawn Morrison: Yeah, I guess being her is punishment enough.
- Me: I think i'm just going to post this conversation to my site.
- Me: Passive-agressive indirect mocking.
- Shawn Morrison: The best kind!
“ I discovered a fool-proof test for brain damage. STEP 1: Did person commission a website? THEN THEY MUST HAVE BRAIN DAMAGE. Tell all doctors. ”
Monkeys attack Chinese master with martial arts
From MSN New Zealand:
A Chinese monkey trainer who trained his animals to do martial arts reportedly got the shock of his life when his proteges suddenly turned on him.
File under: Should have seen it coming. (via Kevin Pang)
“ Who would choose to be there? I guess I just don’t have the type of emotional problems that require drowning myself in bad noisy music and watery overpriced drinks. ”Shawn, on clubs
Editor’s Choice
The New York Times has a ridiculous interview with Jeff Bezos about the Kindle:
Barnes & Noble claims on its Web site that the Nook has several advantages over the Kindle — for one thing, a Nook book can be lent to friends. You can forward the text to another user.
The current thing being talked about is extremely limited. You can lend to one friend. One time. You can’t pick two friends, not even serially, so once you’ve loaned one book to one friend, that’s it.
You have to pick just one person? What are you saying? It’s like “Sophie’s Choice”?
It is “Sophie’s Choice.” Very nicely done.
As Paul Kafasis points out:
I don’t believe either of these people have any idea what exactly Sophie’s choice was. Sophie had to choose which of her children would be murdered. By Nazis.
It’s not every day the New York Times and the head of one of the largest retailers in the world take a moment to make a correlation between sharing books and Auschwitz horrors.
But you know, if you think about it, it really is pretty much exactly the same. I mean, sharing with only one person? Please. Take my daughter already.
