Last night I had a vivid dream about an apartment. It was in a large city, but I’m not sure which one. It’s this city I’m frequently visiting in my dreams. I have a lot of dream stuff like that—I have a city, this mall I’m always at, random houses and parks. They’re usually the same, but they only exist in my dreams.
So I was walking down the street and I happened across a courtyard with an open house sign. I walked inside and the apartment was awesome and bizarre. It was two levels, such that half of the apartment had double-high ceilings and the other half was the second floor overhang. The living room was huge and had two (?) fireplaces. The kitchen was all marble and steel and modern and nice. The bedrooms were spacious and had large windows with plenty of sunlight.
I walked up to the second level, and that’s when things took a weird turn. Upstairs, there were trees growing all over. They were busting up through the floor and then continuing up and smashing through the ceiling. There were leaves everywhere, and moss, and dirt. The floor was a huge mess, there was mold on the walls, and water was dripping through the holes in the ceiling. In the larger of the two upstairs rooms, there was practically a forrest growing in the back corner. A fine cool mist in the air.
After staring at these trees for at least 10 minutes, I finally walked back down to the main floor. I tried talking to the real estate agent, but she was walking in circles in the kitchen, mumbling. I was asking appropriate questions (“Why are there trees upstairs?” and “Seriously, how did that happen and how much do you think it would be to repair that floor?”), but she wasn’t interested in anything other than circles.
I decided, of course, that I could not purchase this apartment. It would be far too much work to remove the trees and redo the top floor, especially since I didn’t know if the trees were load bearing at this point. I was just about to walk out the front door when the real estate agent shouted at me. “Only $150,000!” she yelled as she tried to steady herself against the refrigerator, dizzy from the circles.
So I bought the place. Because, seriously, after living in NYC for the past 7 years, you know a deal when you see one. Worst-case, I can just rent out the forest rooms or something.