This is Garrett Murray's Maniacal Rage

Someone at a bar last weekend said to me, after asking for software advice, “I refuse to use a crApple.”

I asked why—ignoring the “crApple” bit—which I shouldn’t have done, because when someone says something that ridiculous it isn’t worth talking more about their computer habits. But I’m a glutton for punishment. He said, “Because it only has one mouse button.”

I laughed hard for about 15 seconds and then said something along the lines of “go fuck yourself.”