A Manifesto

I have children. Because I have children, it does not give you license to let your children run around me acting like assholes. You’ll notice I keep my children under control. You’ll notice they don’t walk up to your children and take their toys, they don’t walk up to people trying to enjoy a meal and start screaming in their faces. Because I have children, it does not mean I want to interact with your children without expressly choosing to do so. I certainly don’t want your unattended children randomly walking up to me and my attended child and acting like little assholes while you browse on your iPhone or chit-chat with your bonehead husband 40 feet away. When I chose to have children, I did not give up my basic rights to not be bothered by you and your children.

Further, because I have children, this does not give you any rights to infringe on my space or basic social rules with your children. Therefore, do not bring your toddler over to my infant and tell them it’s okay to touch him. Do not pick your child up and hold it over my infant. That’s not acceptable in any situation. You do not have special rights because you also procreated. These are my children and they deserve as much personal space as I do. You’re confusing our mutual parental status as a license to act like a fucking asshole.

Swift

Dan Wineman: I think it may actually be fine to learn Swift as your first programming language.
Dan Wineman: But you're going to need to also know how to at least read ObjC for the next several years at least.
Dan Wineman: Which means that for a while, all iOS/OSX programmers will have to know how to think in two modes: Dynamically typed message-passing OO, and statically typed vtable-style OO.
Dan Wineman: So maybe that makes it a harder platform to learn, but with smarter people mastering it? Dunno.
Dan Wineman: Maybe it makes us all better programmers.
Me: First of all, I'm a brogrammer.
Dan Wineman: Oh, sorry.
Me: Let's get that straight, dude.
Me: *chugs beer for 40 seconds straight, smashes can on face, picks up iPhone 5S and tests that new build super hard*
Me: I opened a new Swift playground a while back and I've just been yelling LET'S DO THIS ever since.

Milestones

Today Oliver is a year and a half old and our second boy Nolan is a month and a half old. This means 18 months and 1 day ago we had zero children and now we have two.

It’s hard to describe how thoroughly different our household is and how different our lives are over all now compared to two years ago. We joke frequently (often at 9PM, completely exhausted and while cleaning up every single square foot of our apartment from the impact of the day) about how if this were 2012 we’d be lounging on the couch watching a movie, drinking tea and browsing the internet until 3AM with a spacious, always spotless apartment. Now we feed Oliver, bathe him, read to him, coax him into sleeping without too much screaming and then clean, do dishes, prepare food for the night for Nolan, feed Nolan for hours and pass out around 11PM if we’re lucky (only to be woken every three hours through the night to feed Nolan more). Between work and the kids, each day feels more like a blur where survival and a bit of sleep are all you can hope for.

But watching your children grow is constantly and deeply rewarding in a way I never expected. Oliver is a walking, talking, uniquely amazing kid. He’s so smart and goofy and cute and funny. Interacting with him every day is so much fun. Nolan’s still a tiny little guy but in a year we’ll get to enjoy these same milestones with him.

Each day is exhausting and challenging, but my what an amazing experience. I turn 33 in two days and by the time I turn 34 who knows what these kids will be capable of.