July 2008
42 posts
Kevin Tamura: Dude, what did you buy?
Me: Would you believe me if I told you it was two children?
Me: Babies, as it were?
Me: And I plan to school them in the art of kung-fu and raise them to be assassins?
Kevin Tamura: That's pretty cheap then.
Me: And that one day, when people least expect it, they'll just start murdering evil doers and never taking any credit or thanks because they're just doing it for the good of mankind?
Me: And that they'll both love wine from a box, but be ashamed to admit it?
Kevin Tamura: By the time they grow up everything will be in a box.
Kevin Tamura: Food, drinks, cars.
Me: THE FUTURE.
1 tag
When you get to the top of the second path, there will be a sign. It’s very worn down, so you’re not going to be able to make it out, but trust me, it says to go left. You’ll walk about a mile through thin bushes and it should be pretty level. You might want to take the opportunity to stop and rest on this part of the path, because once you hit the next marker (a tree with three...
Watch45 Second Shoe Rack Review
A simple product that works as advertised and I need to buy more shoes because I always want to buy more shoes.
A video podcast is available, as are the rest of the Qwick Reviews I’ve done.
I’ve just redesigned. It has been a while. The last design was released in late February of this year, and now, 5 months later, I’ve got something new. What a change of pace from the previous (and ridiculous) new design every 1.8 months. Oh well. Guess I was busy.
This design continues along the whole “paint splotch” thing I’ve been doing lately (who knows why) but...
WatchThose Aren’t Muskets! - Batman Needs to Tone it Down
“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...”
– Woody Allen
3 tags
WatchHardly Working: Speed 3: Blabbermouth
I woke up to a nice surprise this morning—Ben Gold whipped up a nice little iPhone-optimized site for Qwick Reviews, enabling you to easily watch these little nuggets of reviewing gold on the go.
I took a few minutes to duplicate what Ben did and make a site for Maniacal Rage TV as well, so you can now browse the entire archive of our show on the go and listen to audio or watch the sketch...
I felt like an ass for waiting in line for 8 hours on iPhone 3G launch day, getting a sunburn and all, but I’m starting to feel like if I hadn’t I might not have been able to get one. At least with them being sold out all over and there STILL being lines in the mornings in NYC. Plus, I had fun hanging out with my line crowd all day.
Alright, I still feel like a bit of an ass.
Aggressive Expansion from The Dark Knight...
“Dark Knight is so good it’s painful. The world just drips and I’m still covered...”
– Shawn Morrison, regarding The Dark Knight
An Email From My Sister
My Dearest Brother,
I am writing to inform you that my life as a “free bird” will be coming to an end. I have recently discovered your astounding statistics, as illustrated by the overlapping circle flow chart on your website, and come to the shocking realization that I am a serial killer. I know what you may be thinking, “How can this be?” or “This is just simply...
Watch60 Second MacBook Air Review
What a great machine. Although I’m realizing now that I shouldn’t have uploaded this review. Actually, oh—oh god.
A video podcast is available, as are the rest of the Qwick Reviews I’ve done.
When the first iPhone came out, for many weeks afterward I was constantly asked on the subway, “Is that an iPhone?” by all sorts of people young and old. And then, eventually, they lowered the price and everyone bought one. I never got asked after that.
Now, with the new iPhone, I’m being asked again—but only by people with the first iPhone. So far, four people have asked...
Watch10 Second Sunburn Review
Why does the sun have to be so damned hot all the time? Seriously, take a chill pill, you giant star bastard.
A video podcast is available, as are the rest of the Qwick Reviews I’ve done.
1 tag
Shawn Morrison: Can you take care of my goat while I'm away?
Me: Where are you going? And what does it eat?
Shawn Morrison: Garbage, just like the children's stories.
Shawn Morrison: Any garbage.
Shawn Morrison: Actually I'm not going anywhere, just trying to get rid of this damn goat.
Shawn Morrison: What a bad purchase that was.
Me: Yeah, well, don't try to pan him off on me.
Me: Wait... pan?
Me: Is that right?
Shawn Morrison: No.
Shawn Morrison: Pawn.
Me: Pawn.
Me: haha
Me: STOP PANNING THINGS ON ME, SHAWN.
Shawn Morrison: Also, the goat farts a lot.
Shawn Morrison: I think it's sick.
Shawn Morrison: Yours for only $5.
Shawn Morrison: You won't see goat prices like this anywhere else.
Me: What about at the goat market in red hook?
Shawn Morrison: You'd be surprised how hard it is to sell a farting goat.
Me: Actually, I wouldn't.
Watch60 Second Milk Review
My first negative review. Well, if you ignore all the times I’ve stood in line at Best Buy yelling about how batteries are too expensive for how long they last.
A video podcast is available, as are the rest of the Qwick Reviews I’ve done.
You’re walking down the street and a woman is heading toward you and she’s walking her dog. It’s a little thing, a chihuahua or a spaniel or a chispaniel or something like that and it’s barely able to keep up with the woman because it has little legs and she’s pulling on the leash just enough to keep lifting it off the ground six inches at a time. The woman is smoking...
“Ugh, my neck is one gargantuan monkey fist.”
– John O’ Hurley as J. Peterman, Seinfeld episode “The Foundation”
Ashley Murray: I'm going to a New Kids on the Block concert! I called you last night to see if you wanted me to get you a ticket, but you didn't answer...
Me: Holy crap that's insane. I wouldn't be caught dead there. You're nuts!
Ashley Murray: I'm nuts like a fox!
Reminder: Today is the last day to save 20% on shirts from Design By Humans by using “garrettmurray” as a referral code at checkout.
Sean Madden: Dude, why are you so heavy in the left channel in your review?
Me: Because I was holding the camera in my right hand and not being careful about being centered and because my apartment is sinking into the ground on the left side and I think partly I should be blaming global warming for that but I can't really back it up with evidence and also I only talk out of the left side of my mouth whenever I'm sitting at the coffee table in my living room.
Sean Madden: Breathe.
Watch90 Second Kindle Review
After several months of meaning to but not doing it, I’ve finally gotten back to Qwick Reviews. I have three lined up for the next three Wednesdays. First up, The Kindle. If you like books and gadgets and broken gadgets and books without pictures then okay you should watch this.
Christian Tabernacle Church →
Their slogan is, “Touching Jesus, Touching You.” That is by far both the worst possible slogan and the BEST POSSIBLE SLOGAN for any church, ever, in the history of the world. (via bixby)
Sean Madden: I saw WALL-E and for some reason didn't come away as impressed as you did.
Me: That's because you're a douche.
Me: And you don't understand the subtle awesomeness of awesome things.
VERY LONG PAUSE, THEN:
Me: But you enjoyed it, i assume?
Me: (I was sort of hoping for a minute there we would never talk again, ever, and that would just be it. Like that moment at the end of Good Will Hunting when Ben Affleck goes to pick up Matt Damon but he's gone and Ben Affleck is like, "What, where is he? Oh, right, I told him to leave me behind... wait... stare straight forward for a minute and then make a little crooked smile and then get in your jalopy... wait for it... PERFECT!")
VERY LONG PAUSE, THEN:
Me: Will?
Sean Madden: Fuck you. How do you like them apples?
Design By Humans is having a “Friend-a-thon” contest, so you can save 20% by entering “garrettmurray” at checkout (without the quotes) before midnight on the 6th. I wonder if I can use my own code, since I need some new shirts anyway…